Category Archives: Tips

May 22, 2015

A Free E-Book!

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Back in April I decided to share a selfie tip each day over on Instagram and the Be Your Own Beloved Facebook Page. Some were technical, some mindful, all full of love and inviting in self-compassion. Of course, I didn’t want to give away all the tips I share as a part of the Be Your Own Beloved class content but instead provide you with a supplement to it!

They are such juicy tips though, so I didn’t want to just leave them in my Instagram archives where they’d be hard for you to find. So I decided to make you an E-Book with every single tip I shared. 30 pages of fun tips for you to try out on your Selfie Journey.

It’s my gift to you when you join the Be Your Own Beloved Mailing List (and of course, it’s always okay to unsubscribe if it’s not a fit for you) and I’ll send you over a link to your copy of the E-Book.

I so hope it’s helpful to you on those days you could use some selfie inspiration or a supportive boost as you turn your camera on yourself. If you take some selfies inspired by the tips, please don’t hesitate to use the #beyourownbeloved hashtag (which you’re always welcome to use) so I can find it and cheer you on!

If you’d like to have support on your journey to see yourself through a lens of compassion, come join me for the Be Your Own Beloved class, a 30 day journey to create a habit of seeing yourself through kinder eyes. Not only does it include daily prompts, it also includes a beautifully supportive community, a video resource centre with inspiring and helpful videos and tutorials and support from me throughout your journey.

Be Your Own Beloved starts June 1st and you can grab your spot here!

I know it’s hard to make the choice to see yourself through a lens of compassion (cause I’ve been there at that precipice of having to choose self-love over self-hate) but it is truly such a gift we can offer ourselves to simply begin the journey, to say yes.

May 14, 2015

You Don’t Have to Apologize for Your Selfie

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You don’t need to apologize for your selfie.

For posting one when you don’t usually.

For wanting to be seen.

You don’t have to apologize for being yourself.

For your wrinkles, your chin, your belly, your smile.

For your inherently worthy body, right here right now.

You don’t have to apologize for being unfiltered

Or highly filtered. Or even touched up.

It’s your story to tell the way you need to.

You don’t owe us an apology. And what would it feel like not to apologize?

When I have the urge to apologize for posting something I don’t usually or a photo I’m not sure folks will groove with I feel myself shrink down, worried what other people might think. In fact often apologizing does the opposite of what we might want it too…pointing out that thing we think we need to apologize for actually points out what you might not want the viewer to notice.

Sharing without apology feels like a way to ground myself in my own power, in my own right to be here and tell my story.

And if you can’t resist the urge to apologize (or if you don’t have that same experience of the apology feeling like it invites you to sit in your smallness rather than bigness, that’s totally groovy too of course).

Or if this feels really big to share a selfie unapologetically and you’re not sure how to begin, Beloved Beginnings is a self-paced class that is always available. Or the Be Your Own Beloved class that is now open for registration. Both were created not for people who already love taking selfies, but for those who it feels really vulnerable or out of your comfort zone.

Tell your story.

Take your selfie.

Unapologetically.

May 11, 2015

How to Take a Selfie with Your Cat

I’m sorry to say, but our cats don’t care about our selfies.

Recently when I shared a selfie with my cat, Ladybug, lots of folks on Instagram said : I wish I could get my cat to do that! But the truth is, while Lady and I might make it look like she’s into taking the photo with me, she isn’t. And really who’s cat is? Our cats just don’t care about our selfies.

Still we want them to be in our photos. I know I sure do. So in my attempts to get Ladybug in the frame none the less, I’ve uncovered a few tricks I thought I’d share with you!

Take LOTS of Photos

This is a tip I like to suggest for any sort of selfie taking. Don’t stop at just 1 photo and assume we can’t get the shot we want. It takes everyone a lot of tries to get that shot they really love and this is no acceptation!

So whether taking a selfie solo or yup…with your cat…try a whole bunch in order to get that one you really love. Get a variety of them too, try some of the tips below or just give yourself the chance to get playful and creative and capture that sweet feline of yours alongside you!

Your cat doesn’t care about your selfie…so follow it’s lead.

From my experience with Ladybug, well, she couldn’t care less if I’m trying to take a selfie. In fact its rather annoying to her. So how do we accept that fact and still get a great shot? That’s where we simply have to let go of trying to plan out a shot and well, do what works for our cat.

Often when I’m sitting at my desk, Ladybug will come sit right in front of me, in that space between myself and my computer. You know, where they are completely blocking your view. After peering around her for a while I often give up and then say “Fine then, we’ll take a selfie”! What works is that she’s sitting on my desk so if I bring my face near hers…selfie success!

Now, on the opposite realm, if I try and pick her up and force her into a selfie…it’s just not going to go well. The theme of the selfie will become her trying to escape from my arms (and you will see some of those below). Because again, your cat doesn’t really care about your selfie. But we want them in them none the less, don’t we.

So if your cat is sitting on the ground, get down on the ground too.

If your cat is looking out the window, look out the window too.

If your cat is sitting on the top of the couch, don’t ask it to move…move towards it yourself.

Follow your cats lead! I’m pretty sure it’s the only way to make it happen!

Attract its attention

I think sometimes with dogs you can make them sit and then the person with the camera can call them, but with cats and with selfies…that just doesn’t work.

One trick I’ve been using lately to try and get Ladybug to actually look at the camera is while I’m holding it to kind of scratch on the back of it with my fingernail. Cat’s love noises so it drew her attention and I was able to get one that looked like she was looking in the camera.

Make it quick though as after a while she totally caught on and started ignoring me! Cause, well, that’s how cat’s roll!

Get Silly

While I haven’t actually had a successful shot like this yet, the whole Cat Beard Selfie phenomenon…oh my gosh…I love it. I just can’t imagine my cat letting me do that!

But there are other ways to get silly with your cat too. Sometimes when Ladybug decides to sit on my shoulder I pull out my camera as it kind of looks like she’s photobombing me. Um, here’s some other cat photobombs that cracked me up (especially if you’re having the kind of day where you need funny cat photos…cause some days we just do).

Or I just go with the flow and follow the lead of what she’s doing and often they end up looking quite humorous. Have fun with it (and you never know you just might get some hilarious outtakes out of it too)!

Use Your Timer

My answer to so many selfie questions is to use your timer! My favourite app is called Gorillacam and it allows you take a whole series of photos one after another. I recommend setting the camera to take around 10 or 15 (or even 30) and find a place to prop it where you and your cat are in the photo. Then you have both hands free to be in the photo with your cat! It helps big time, especially to get more candid or even silly cat selfies!

You could also use the Gorillcam timer for an arm’s length selfie and not have to press the photo button each time as the app will capture the photos for you!

Get Candid

Following along with the idea of using your timer, it can be so fun to let your timer capture candid moments with your cat. Does your cat sit on your yoga mat every time you do yoga? Why not set up your timer and capture it. Maybe even put your camera down on the ground especially if like me and Ladybug…she follows me everywhere around the apartment (when not sleeping) and I’d love to get a shot of her little feet following mine.

Or is there a spot you both sit? You could set up your phone and timer (or get a remote like the HISY Remote for your phone) and get cozy in that spot you always sit together. There are so many possibilities. Especially if your pet is a big part of your life and your day, why not invite them into the visual story too. I love how every session of the Be Your Own Beloved class, pretty soon after we start taking our selfies, there’s always a large portion of them that involve our pets just naturally!

Think Outside the Selfie Box

Just like with our selfies in general, they don’t have to be an arm’s length face selfie do they? There are so many more options, many of which are wonderful ways to tell the visual story of you and your cat. You could aim downwards at your cat and your feet, capture the photo in a reflection or a mirror, put the camera on the floor and capture it from ground level.

Remember, following our cats lead is our best plan and thinking outside the selfie box is a way to make that happen!

Get Creative with your Cat Selfie

One of my favourite things to do with photos these days is to take Double Exposures and it can be so fun to use this or other creative tools to have fun with our selfies, especially the ones we might not love as is. This image above was an example of that, where I didn’t really love the way the photo worked out originally but when I added a layer to it, I ended up loving it.

You could play around with making your cat selfies black and white or colour, combining a bunch of them to make a GIF or hyper lapse. You could make double exposures with images of you and your pet together or even combine a portrait of you and of your cat separately into one image, double exposure style.

But Really…

I know that I’m gettin’ a bit silly with y’all here cause cat selfies doesn’t seem like a very serious matter, but I do want to share why it’s really important to me to take cat selfies. Because…I’m so darn grateful to have this little purring, kind loving little being in my life. These pets are a part of our families and the more photos we can have with them the better (even if they still don’t care about being in our photos). We care that they are in our photos.

This image above…while in a way it’s an example of how not to take a selfie with your cat because Ladybug looks absolutely terrified. When I shared it years ago, people laughed. And I see why…we both look like a deer in the headlights. But my other cat Elliot had just passed away and I had just found out that she had the same condition that took him. I was feeling like a deer in the headlights and she was probably freaking out at why I was suddenly making her be in a whole bunch of photos. But I thought I’d loose her any day. So this photo feels important to me after all.

Even the photos we might not like at the time, that aren’t destined for Instagram, they are important. Inviting our lovely felines (or canines too or pets of any sort) into our photos is not just funny…but of such value to us. I know I won’t regret taking a moment every so often when she seems patient enough for it, to get out my camera and aim it at her and when I can, get into the photo with her too.

What about you? Have you had any successful pet selfie moments or photos? I’d love to know your favourite way to take a photo with your beloved pet?

December 27, 2014

20 Posts to Inspire your Self-Love Path!

As 2014 comes to a close, I like to gather up all the posts I shared here at Be Your Own Beloved over the year that explore the core message I share here: Seeing Yourself with Compassion which of course includes body acceptance, healing our relationship to our self-image, cultivating self-love and self-care and talking openly about my own experience of healing my relationship to my own body image and self-esteem (in hopes it will be helpful for you on your path).

When I sat down to write this I had no clue that I wrote 20 posts on the subject this year! Click on the ones that resonate most with you and I hope that they’ll help inspire you on your own self-love & selfie path!

I truly can’t wait for 2015 and what I have in store for you here on the blog and with the E-Courses (with something new up my sleeve)! Presently there are 2 classes open for registration…The Cultivating Self-Care E-Course and the much loved Be Your Own Beloved class (exploring self-love through self-portraiture)!

So we go…20 posts exploring self-love & self-compassion for you to enjoy!

Our inner critics rise up when we’re leaving our comfort zone, don’t they…which indeed happens on a path to heal our relationship to our bodies. This post is all about how our inner critics reflect our actions. When we stay small, they feel no need to attack us but when we rise up and make change (like seeing ourself with kindness rather than critique) they rise up too.

When we’re on a mission to heal our self-image (and in life in general), it can be easy to get in the constant cycle of working towards our goal that we don’t realize how far we’ve come!

This one is actually a series of posts called Making Peace with Our Smiles and you can find links to all 5 of the activities on this page! You can try the activities any time and use the hashtag #beyourownbeloved to join the community of folks exploring the prompts!

It’s time to stop being our own bully! Seriously…it’s time. Cause so many of us speak to ourselves in a way we wouldn’t even fathom speaking to someone else (which is of course, the idea behind this website and e-courses)!

This post came in response to the comment I know lots of us must get when talking about learning to love our bodies…that “we aren’t our bodies” or “shouldn’t we focus more on ours spirit?”. From my experience, disconnecting the self-love journey from how we exist in our bodies hasn’t served me. It is happening within a body. About a body. To disconnect the self-love journey from my body is to discount a whole deep well of potential healing.

How does movement and dance help us feel more embodied? This post explores that and explains why I dance in so many of my selfies (hint…its all for the healing)!

Are you missing from the visual story of your life? This post explores how choosing to let ourselves be in photos can be deeply healing and also feel like we are finding our voice in telling the story of our lives.

Reclaim your power and be the narrator of your own story! This is a big part of exploring selfies as self-love as it is a tool for us to reclaim our sense of personal power and step into being the narrator of how we see our bodies and the story we tell ourselves about our lives. We get to choose the kind of story we want to live!

Making Peace with my body in a bikini! Oh my gosh…I still can’t believe I shared this post but I’m glad I did. There are lots of amazing plus size gals rockin’ bikini’s this year (now that thankfully, companies are making that kind of bathing suit in our size). For me, wearing it felt great but when I paused to take a photo, old stories rose up! But that’s what happens when we go outside of our comfort zones, isn’t it!

How do we know when we’ve found our way home to ourselves? There has been a song lyric that has felt like a guide for me that says “When the voice that is talking is never your own. Then who’s going to tell you that you’ve finally come home” by Ferron. Cultivating our own voice is such a big part of healing how we feel about our bodies. This post digs into that journey!

Inspired by a talk at Creative Mornings by the awesome Kim Werker, this post explores the idea of the story we tell ourselves about failure, especially the story we tell ourselves about failing at being photogenic!

The post Making Peace with my Belly explores the good/bad, love/hate cycle I’ve been on in relation to how I feel about my belly and how I want to get off of that roller coaster and feel at peace with it!

Selfies get flack for being self-centred and for being a way that people seek attention. But so many of us aren’t taking our selfies for anyone else, but for ourselves. This post shares a story of how I got caught up in wanting people to like my selfie one day and how it became a reminder that how when we can ground ourselves in how we feel about ourselves, other people’s perception of us feels like it holds less weight (and we find we aren’t seeking others approval)!

A question I often get at in person workshop when digging into self-love through self-portraiture is…”But how do I take a flattering photo” and this post explores another way to view ‘flattering’ that invites in more self-compassion!

What do we do when the critique is coming not from ourselves, but from people in our lives? This post shares some tips for dealing with not just our inner critics but our outer critics too. I explore it in the context of sharing our selfies but it definitely applies to other experiences of people commenting on our bodies or our choices!

Do photos ever catch you off guard and your inner critic rises up? I had an experience of that and am sharing some tips for what to do when that happens!

If you’ve been wondering how this whole self-love through selfies thing works…this is for you! Cause really…it’s not just about the photo. The photo (and the camera) are tools, just like you might seek self-compassion in yoga or meditation! It isn’t just about the end result either, but about the journey we take in getting there!

I don’t know about you, but when my inner critic shows up it usually tells me that I’m doing it wrong (you know, whatever I’m trying to do be it cook or run or dance). So if your inner critic rises up when you’re taking a selfie and tells you you are doing it wrong…this is for you.

When we say “When I’m thin I’ll…” or “When I make _______ change I’ll….” and we imagine a life for ourselves other than the one we are living. This post digs into the idea of living that ‘parallel life’ (inspired by one of my favourite authors, Geneen Roth).

And last, but definitely not least…Her Body Was not Wrong. And neither is yours!

November 21, 2014

Making Peace with Our Smile ~ Join Me!

Over the past year I’ve been sharing a series of posts all about ‘Making Peace’ with my body through taking selfies.

You can check out few of the Making Peace posts here: Making Peace with My Belly, Making Peace with My Body in a Bikini. It’s been a personal project of mine outside of teaching this work through the Be Your Own Beloved classes, as I teach this work because I’m living it too and while I’ve already made peace with my negative self-image in ways I couldn’t even have imaged years ago, there is still some parts of me where healing still awaits.

I find that as soon as I have made progress with making peace with one part of my body, another one pipes up asking to be heard.

This time the part of me saying “I’m tired of being critiqued” is…my smile.

How do you feel about your smile?

Do any of you have a similar relationship with your smile?

If you take a peek at my Instagram feed you’ll see most of my photos including my face have a closed mouth smile. That has been my comfort zone for a long time.

It isn’t my most vulnerable place of self-critique (that still is my belly for me) but there are a number of things about my smile that has had me keeping it closed in photos, knowing the one way to position my mouth in order to like a photo of myself.

And there is nothing wrong with that. At all. It has truly been one of the keys that helped me start to see myself with kindness through my camera. We get to learn our favourite angles, our way of holding the camera and how to take the most ‘flattering’ selfie we can (which I prefer to think of as ‘seeing ourselves with love’), and for the last 8 years this has been the way that I close my lips to smile.

But looking back on both Instagram and my Flickr Stream I’m really struck at how about 90% of the images with my face in it have that posed smile.

But in life, of course, that isn’t the case and that isn’t my real smile.

My unposed, authentic smile hasn’t been something I could see with kindness in photos.

Sometimes because of how I critiqued myself physically (how my jaw is crooked, how my teeth are coffee stained, how my lips are small and sometimes how I saw more of a double chin when I’d smile). Yet if I really tell you the truth, sometimes it was that when I smile I let out the ‘Real Vivienne’, the unposed, quirky, silly me and how sometimes that just feels too darn vulnerable. With a closed mouth smile I could see myself as beautiful but without it I just had so many more old stories of enoughness and vulnerability come up.

So I found my happy place, that smile that I could use in photos and like them.

The thing is, for me…smiling is the best. I feel most me in my body with a big grin on my face. It lights up every cell in me. I feel most me when I’m laughing or having a big grin on my face and I don’t tend to hold that back in connecting with people the way I do when I take a self-portrait.

I want to start telling that story in my self-portraits too and in a way, stop holding back my own light by only allowing myself to use that one posed smile.

It’s time to break out of that comfort zone and for the last couple weeks I’ve been actively experimenting with making peace with my smile. It hasn’t been as painful as I feared and I’m already seeing big shifts happening in the way I see my smile.

I’ve been trying a handful of different activities to make peace with my smile and it got me wondering how many of you out there might want to make peace with your smile too. We may not have the same reasons why we feel critical about our smile, but it’s my hope that maybe we could rock this experiment together?

Want to join me?

Here’s how it is going to work:

Next Monday through Friday I’ll be sharing a post about ‘Making Peace with My Smile’ on the Be Your Own Beloved blog. I will (of course) include a selfie activity for you to try. As well, I’ll be including a question that might spark a blog prompt for you to combine with your selfie!
You can blog along with the prompts on your own site. Or you could share your smile selfie of the day with us on Instagram in the #beyourownbeloved community. Or you could keep your photo to yourself and honour it as a personal journey of making peace with your smile.
It’s kind of like a free mini class! But with no expectations. I’ll be sharing it over 5 days but you could take it slower if you’d like and try one per week for the next 5 weeks or start with the first one and know that there are other activities awaiting you when you feel ready for them.
I’m also consciously calling this an experiment because I hope that for all of us it will be something we can approach with curiosity. We aren’t expecting ourselves to love our smile in only 5 days, but I have a feeling if we open heartedly experiment with making peace with it, shifts will happen (I’m always amazed at how much things start to shift for people in Be Your Own Beloved within the first few days).

That’s it!

I want to start spilling these prompts with you today but I’m gonna make myself wait for Monday!

If you are all good with your smile….rock on! I hope lots of you are groovy with your smile and haven’t been seeing it with critique all this time. You still may have fun with these activities anyways and perhaps a future ‘Making Peace’ post will help you get outside whatever your comfort zone may be. But I also have had a lot of conversations with women over the years about how we feel about our smiles and I thought this might be a worthwhile one to share with you and invite you along for.

I also wanted to this with those of you who might have been wanting to join Be Your Own Beloved but feel a bit scared to jump in, in mind. I hope this will give you a glimpse into the kinds of activities we do in the class. As well I have those of you who are Be Your Own Beloved Alumni of the class in mind and I thought this might be a fun activity to respark your journey or give you a new exploration to try!

If you think you might take part, I’d be honoured if you’d leave a comment and say Hi! I’m not doing this to collect email addresses or get your info in any way…I just wanted to invite you to join me as I journey through this myself but it would indeed be rad to know who is joining in for the experiment!

If you are going to blog along or share on Instagram or you can add your blog address to the link list below so I (and your fellow peace makers) can come find you!

Let’s make Peace with our Smiles!

Here are all the posts up for the Experiment so far: