Category Archives: Be Your Own Beloved

July 7, 2018

Who’s Gaze Are You Seeing Yourself Through?

takeyourselfienewsletter800

Who’s gaze are we seeing ourselves through?

That’s the topic of our very first activity in the Take Your Selfie for Yourself E-Coursestarting this Monday.

So…who’s gaze are we seeing ourselves through?

I wish we could all say “My own gaze” and have never doubted that. I wish we were never taught how we should or shouldn’t be in a photo. I wish we were never told what a ‘good photo or a ‘bad photo’ is or were taught to place our value on our body.

But we were. So when we pick up the camera, we are met by all the ways that we are taught to see our bodies through societies gaze. Every time we see ourselves through a critical lens, that’s the external gaze of enoughness put upon us. It took me a long time to learn that myself…that when I would see something in a photo that I struggled with…that was the external gaze trying to define my worth. My belly’s worth. Or my backs worth. Or the worth of my bare arms.

Thankfully, we can unlearn this. The more we wake up to how we’re seeing our body through a lens of external validation, the more we can return to our own internal validation.

Because we don’t have to earn it.
We don’t have to change ourselves to be worthy of it.
We just have to be willing to accept it…our inherent worth.
To except that all bodies are worthy bodies, including our own.
And that the more we SEE our inherently worthy body, the more we’ll be able to wake up to it’s worthiness.

A powerful thing happens when we stop prioritizing the desire to be approved of by others, by external validation and start approving of ourselves, start feeling SEEN by and for ourselves.

But there comes a point in most of our body acceptance path where we have to make this choice, where it becomes too toxic to keep trying to please others and the choice to please ourselves, to witness ourselves, to SEE ourselves, to hear ourselves…becomes the clear choice.

Come join me for this powerful class where we explore seeing ourselves through our own gaze …I loved teaching this one last year and seeing the shifts it helped people make in really choosing their own worth rather than constantly being on the rollercoaster of finding our worth externally.

Come join me for Take Your Selfie for Yourself and let’s choose ourselves. Class starts Monday!

There is also a session of Be Your Own Beloved coming this August if that’s a better fit for you (it’s a more beginner-friendly class). If you’re not sure what is the right class for you, don’t hesitate to click the contact form and connect with me!

June 25, 2018

Becoming Familiar to Ourselves through the Lens

I took this photo yesterday and had that feeling of “there you are”. That feeling of recognition. Of familiarity. Of feeling at home in myself and seeing that reflected in a photo.

But it was interesting to notice because this was not a typical kind of selfie that I would have that experience in. As up until about 6 months ago this perspective wasn’t in my repertoire of how I would take photos of myself. 6 months ago I probably would have taken his photo and not felt that homecoming and self-recognition as it was a very unfamiliar way of seeing myself.

In my classes we explore this idea of becoming familiar with ourselves again and it felt interesting to notice this as I see it as a direct result of shaking up the way I was taking my photos. Normally I’d be taking it from above, like a typical selfie, but in Body Curiosity we shook that up and took photos from all sorts of unexpected perspectives with the intention of refamiliaring and renormalizing seeing our body again. And while I have experienced that process time and time again in this healing journey, it felt cool to notice it right when it was happening today and I wanted to share that with you.

We pick up the camera and take a photo wanting that self-recognition, wanting to feel like we know the person looking back at us. But I think we often get stuck in seeing ourselves only through one perspective, one typical way of taking an image of ourselves. Or we get stuck in yearning for that recognition (and often we feel that by meeting societal body standards and getting that validation) in feeling recognized as ‘beautiful’ or ‘photogenic’ and take photos in the ways that we know we’ll recognize ourselves in those ways. But that’s external recognition. That’s not what heals us. That’s not what changes us. Internal self-recognition does.

And through these experiences I believe more than ever that we can find that internal self-recognition with ourselves. That any kind of photo, if we experience it regularly and meet it with as much compassion as we can on that day, will lead to being able to eventually see it and experience it as a familiar perspectives of ourselves. To recognize our body and ourselves in it and see ourselves from a non-judgemental, neutral perspective. Indeed, this process of re-normalization takes time (and there is no one timeline) but it’s these moments where we take a photo that we might have critiqued in the past and say “Oh, there you are!” and see ourselves with that recognition.

Let’s spark that that process of coming home and becoming familiar to ourselves through our own lens. If you’d like a guide in that process, come join me for one of the upcoming E-Courses like the 30 Day Be Your Own Beloved E-Course or the Take Your Selfie for Yourself E-Course (don’t hesitate to write to me via the contact form if you’re not sure which one is the best fit for you).

April 9, 2018

The Selfie that Changed Me

bodyacceptanceblogpost800

This was one of the photos I took in my own selfie practice that broke open a new level of healing for me. It broke the rules of what is ‘flattering’ and challenged that in me. It broke rules of how much of these rolls on my body ‘should be seen’ and how it should be seen. It was me taking a photo of my hand reaching into the frame, like I often take photos but this time I didn’t make the rest of my body invisible.

This is an example of how when we expand how we’re willing to SEE our body, we expand how far we’re willing to extend our compassion. SEEING my body in this way allowed me to neutralize my reaction to it.

It challenged me at first, yes. But the more I saw it, the less it brought up a reaction for me at all (well, that process of seeing a photo regularly that challenges us…combined with work around dealing with my own internalized fatphobia that comes with that reaction that would think a fat roll would negate my value or worthiness).

I see such beauty in this photo too. Especially now that there is no charge to it for me. The way the rolls flow in light and shadow, the way the lines of the dress add to the flow (a horizontal striped dress of course…something fat bodies are told not to wear, one of the rules I’ve long since ditched about what I should wear). I see these rolls as an old friend I’ve learned to love. I see them in this photo now that I’ve been working with it and it gives me comfort rather than a place of critique.

And the truth is I don’t know what you see in it. I can’t control how other people see my body and I no longer prioritize that. Because this body is mine, where I live and one I’ve learned to love and if anyone else has a problem with it, that’s their body stories coming up. Not mine.

We are in charge of how we see our own body and we have to reclaim that vision and that voice back for ourselves.

Seeing ourselves from different perspectives is one of the most pivotal tools for making peace with how we see our body. Which is exactly what we’re exploring in the upcoming Body Curiosity E-Course. And don’t worry if the idea of taking a photo like this is outside your comfort zone…you get to get curious about your body on your own terms and can decide how to explore the playful activities in a way that allows you to expand your comfort zone (and your self-compassion) at a pace that works for you.

Find out more about the Body Curiosity E-Course here.

January 31, 2018

What I Will (and Won’t) Teach you in Be Your Own Beloved

ADK_0008ws

I know when people hear about a class exploring selfies as a tool for self-compassion they often have a lot of preconceptions that come up, mainly because there are so many preconceptions around selfies. There are also so many ways I think we’re taught to use selfies in ways that actually don’t serve our self-worth.

So I thought I’d share some of the things I will and won’t be teaching you in Be Your Own Beloved!

What I won’t teach you in Be Your Own Beloved:

How to take selfies from only flattering perspectives
How to make yourself look ‘smaller’ in photos
The angle everyone should be taking their selfie at for it to be ‘good’
Apps you can use to alter your face or body to look totally different
The parts of your body you should be showing and should be hiding in your selfies (because I don’t believe that of course).
The kinds of selfies that you ‘should’ be taking to go viral

And here’s why I won’t be teaching you these things…because society already does. They are what we are told in most ‘How to’ articles about selfies. I think we learn the answer to them everywhere we look these days and more importantly they re-enforce the idea that your body isn’t enough.

Instead I want to teach you what the world hasn’t taught you through the lens. This class is a place where you give yourself permission to go outside of what you’re told and make space to feel SEEN (by yourself first and foremost).

I’ll be guiding you through the process of learning:

How to begin emerging into the lens gently (even if it feels vulnerable)
Different ways you can take a selfie outside of arm’s length photos
How to take selfies that feel like they tell YOUR story, not a story you feel like you should be telling.
How to make selfies a space for self-connection and personal truth telling
How to let go of expectations with yours photos and welcome in possibility
That you are inherently worthy, no matter what a photo looks like
How to claim space in your photo and give yourself permission to take the kinds of selfies you need to, to feel seen by YOU.
How ‘flattering’ angles just keep us in a box and if we approach ourselves with curiosity and kindness, we can see any angle with compassion (and that your photo doesn’t have to be ‘flattering’ to be worthy)
How to take a photo that you may not feel comfortable and use creativity to become more comfortable with it
That ‘good photos’ and ‘bad photos’ are boxes we put ourselves in that don’t serve us and we can break those boxes open
My favourite trick for finding light to let you shine in the moment (it’s super simple but whenever I teach this in person people’s jaws always drop because it makes ALL the difference).
That there is a person waiting for you in the photo asking to be seen and not have so many expectations placed on their worthiness
How we don’t have to get the perfect photo to be worthy. Nor does it have to be fancy or even take a lot of time. I’ll teach you how to let your simple selfie be enough (and some days you WILL have time to take more time with your photo). And that both are worthy photos.
How the practice of taking selfies can feel like coming home to ourselves and it’s not selfish to make this space for ourselves.

And I know, that’s a lot. But don’t worry…they come in really gentle activities that are beginner friendly and you don’t need photo experience or selfie experience to join in. Some of it I directly address in prompts and other things are what I’ve designed this class for you to experientially learn through the act of taking the photos (because being told an idea is one thing but experiencing it ourselves makes it even more powerful and life changing).

You also don’t have to be at any certain place with your selfie or body-compassion journey. Like I say in the welcome post I’ll send you once you sign up…all you need to do is show up for yourself each day with an open heart and willingness to experiment, explore and be open to possibility!

Come join me for Be Your Own Beloved! You can register here. I do want to mention that for the many years of offering this class I’ve been doing it 3-4 times per year but this year it’s just going to be twice so there will be a much longer wait for the next session than you might be used to. Just wanted to share that in case you don’t want to wait to start this exploration!

And of course, if any questions are arising about other things you’re wondering if you’ll learn in class don’t hesitate to ask me in the comments or use the contact form to connect with me. I’d love to hear from you.

November 5, 2017

Cultivating a Sense of Place through the Lens

Finding a sense of place where I live is pivotal for me. I build a relationship with the pockets of nature I find in the city, the way the light falls, the way we as humans interact and nurture these spaces.

What about you? Does having a sense of place and engaging with the world around us play a part in your daily life too? Does the lens play a part in that? I know I’ve always been really engaged with the world around me visually but I do think that the lens deepens that and allows us too make it into a mindful practice, one that can deepen with time.

To me it’s always been as simple as slowing down and letting myself and the lens engage with the world in an inquisitive way.

It’s not about getting perfect photos (sometimes I don’t actually come back with any photos, it becomes more about just BEING). But the lens has a way of helping us give ourselves permission to slow down and take this time. To helping us open up our eyes.

If you’ve seen my photos on Instagram or in my classes over the years, you’ve probably become familiar with some of the places that I take my selfies. They feel like characters in my visual story. They feel like companions on this healing path. Because they are.

The act of taking any selfie you’ve seen me share is rooted in cultivating and celebrating a relationship to place. And constantly letting it evolve. I love going on photo walks and discovering how the same place I’ve been going on photo walks for years can look anew, the way it can change.

I’ve been living in East Vancouver for the past 6 years and fell head over heels for that place. The community gardens I’d visit weekly. The way the light falls on the sidewalk by my house there. The gorgeous flowers that bloom each season. And, in the beautiful way that life takes turns, I also fell in love with someone who doesn’t live in this city. So, life is taking me to a new landscape (well, newish…I lived here over a decade ago) to the city of Victoria on Vancouver Island. Now, do know that I will be in Vancouver often for some photography work and I’m still most definitely booking photo sessions in Vancouver as well as Victoria. I’m considering myself a dual city-gal work (and friendship) wise!

But outside of work, is the daily photo & self-compassion practice that this is all rooted in. The act of going for these photo walks. And while I’ll miss the visuals, the smells, the light, the plants, the neighbourhood characters of my old neighbourhood and city, I’m excited to start that process of discovery anew.

I’m grateful to have landed in Victoria in a lovely loft home with my sweetheart mere minutes from the waters edge and a really lovely trail along the water, called the Songhees Walkway (as this part of Vancouver Island is traditional Songhees Nation Territory). Like the community garden in my old neighbourhood, the path is the place that’s drawing me in. Inviting me in with the rocky beaches, the morning light, the interactions with birds and otters, the intersection of human life and nature, the arbutus trees leaning over the path, the city perspectives in the background and the openness of the sky.

New characters in a new chapter of this continued, ever-evolving visual story.

Do you relate to this relationship to place? How does the camera play a part in finding your sense of home too? Who are the non-human characters in your visual story?