I have always found it easy to look myself dead in the eye, smile at my reflection and smooch the air with an i love you which is why I practice self care in little happy ways pretty much every day.  I sometimes write love notes to myself on little sticky notes and hide them in the pages of my journals so I can find them at a later date.  And these are a few of my favourite things to do just for me …

skating in the frosty freshness of a moon filled evening,

finding my centre in the middle of a colourful hoop,

smelling the warm worn grass of life,

dancing in the most inappropriate situations,

jumping until my legs turn to purple jelly,

playing ever so badly,

twirling until i am dizzy with the colour of life,

visiting with friends that bring out my smile, *hi viv

and if all else fails, reminding myself that i am worthy of a tiara and shhhhhh no one needs to know that its

plastic 😉

and. love is always found at the root. xo

How to fall in love with you… the first date

To fall in love with ourselves we have to get to know ourselves first. I remember reading a quote somewhere that said a great marriage was one where the conversation never ended. This is what we want with ourselves: the conversation. The getting to-know-you part of the courtship. The intrigue, and then the honesty. One of my greatest healing tools has been my journal. Begun in 1984 when I was 11-years-old, I’ve unravelled the stories of my life into a collection of exercise books, binders and now beautiful Moleskine notebooks. But what I‘ve discovered over the years is that the act of keeping a journal isn’t enough to make you fall in love with you; there are many years of journal entries that I now consider superficial and surface, ramblings about my relationships or my neuroses about work or friends or some other thing that was occupying my outer world. And the key word here is occupying – I always managed to keep myself distracted by stuff other than me. Writing it all out in a stream of consciousness made room for deeper enquiry, but I just never went there out of fear, leaving me skimming along the surface for years, always at the mercy of the whims of others.

One of the gifts (and I feel comfortable using that word now) of my bereavement was the opportunity it gave me to dive below that surface while supported by my therapist. As I began to do the hard work of healing, I turned to my journal every day as a way to record the process and vent the hurts that were surfacing, in turn nurturing a richer and more honest relationship with the page. Not that I ever lied to myself – I just avoided looking at the Stuff. You know the Stuff? The issues I covered up with a bottle of wine; the feelings I swallowed down with a bar of chocolate; the worries I placated with a menthol cigarette. I read my journal back and marvel at how something that was supposed to be all about me was all about everyone else, and what they were doing and feeling. And how that was affecting me. External, external, external.

I sometimes wonder what would have become of me had I not endured such a devastating bereavement, but that thinking never gets me very far. This has been my experience, and the key to uncovering all I needed to heal. This can be translated and applied by starting an honest conversation with yourself. When we push ourselves to be honest, and not hide behind the distractions or fear, we can begin to see ourselves as we truly are and find a place of loving kindness to carry ourselves. So start with some quiet time alone – no phone, no internet, no television, no other people, just you and a notebook & pen – and make some conversation. Start with some small talk, then take it up a notch. These have been helping me lately:

1. There’s a life coach-y technique you can use, to get to the bottom of your feelings about a particular situation or person or memory. Ask yourself: ‘how do I feel about this?’ and write an answer. Then ask yourself again: ‘but how do I feel about this?’ And write another answer. Then do it again: ‘but how do I feel about this?’ and continue on in this way until you have asked and answered as far as you feel you can go. Often if I feel myself getting stuck when I’m writing an article, a blog post or a longer piece of prose, I start a new line with the words ‘But what I really want to say is…’ and then let rip. Either technique helps me cut through the surface clutter and into the real issue underneath.

2. Pull back from using your journal as a chronicle of the day’s events. Instead, chronicle your feelings from the day.

3. Keep checking in with your needs. When PMS strikes, I have a tendency to see everything through an overly-emotional veil, but underneath all that melodrama are very real, very tender emotions. By regularly checking in with how I’m feeling (see no.1) and what I need (more time alone, more fresh air, a call with a friend, an afternoon to play), I (usually) manage to write my way through the crazies and find some (self) support.

4. For many of us it can be hard to do something as seemingly ‘selfish’ as writing in a journal – do it anyway. Let it rip. Indulge yourself. Be honest. No one else is reading. 

These are just a few ideas to get you started if you yearn for more connection with the gorgeous fabulous being that is YOU. Treat yourself to a new journal — lined or unlined, whichever you prefer — find a quiet hour when you won’t be interrupted and just see what happens. Use coloured pens and doodle in the margins. Write yourself a love letter. Craft lists and manifestos. Be open to surprising yourself!

Susannah Conway is a photographer, writer and e-course creator. A Polaroid addict and very proud aunt, her first book, This I Know: Notes on Unraveling the Heart (Globe Pequot Press), launches in June 2012. She’s also co-authored another book, Instant Love: How to Make Magic and Memories with Polaroids (Chronicle Books), coming out in spring 2012. You can read more about her shenanigans on her blog at SusannahConway.com and connect with her on Twitter. 

RADICAL Self-Love

It is possible to love yourself so much that you become unwilling to do anything that dulls your dreams.

It is possible to not just listen to your heart, but make it your boss – in every aspect of your life.

It is possible to take your dreams so seriously that they become your #1 priorities.

It is possible to take everything that doesn’t make you happy and remove it from your world.

It is possible to support yourself doing only the things you love most.

It is possible to wake up and bounce out of bed, excited about this amazing day, every day. What makes all of this possible?

Radical. Self. Love.

Self Love becomes Radical when you put it into action and live like it’s true.

But. Be honest.

Does this sound selfish to you? Or far-fetched and impossible? Or maybe you think others can have these things, but not you?

I’ve tried to write this post so many times. I keep deleting and re-writing and it is becoming clearer and clearer to me, as I try to write about radical self love, that the most useful thing to write about is what gets in the way of Radical Self Love.

What makes it seem selfish? Or impossible?

Inner critics, small scared selves and various monsters, goblins and gremlins.

Inside of you you know that everything I wrote above is possible. Deep in your heart you know that you are here to do amazing things. You know that you sparkle and shine in a way that no one else can. Those dreams that live in your heart? They are needed out in the world and you know that you have the power to bring them to life.

But.

But. All that stuff gets in the way. Feeling like it’s selfish to put yourself first. Being afraid that it’s all impossible anyway. Having very real obligations and people and things to take care of.

Somewhere along the way it became considered natural to put ourselves, and especially our hearts and dreams, last. Somewhere along the way it became considered natural to treat others with love and weird to treat ourselves with love.

This is not natural.

This is very far from natural.

It’s also not wise, fun or sustainable in the long run. But because it’s considered natural and normal and because there is so much, inside and outside of you, that holds these patterns in place you can’t just all of a sudden, with the magic of Radical Self Love, break free.

What you can do is start where you are. Bring as much Radical Self Love as you can into your day, starting right now.

And what you can do is work on the parts that you can work on: Inner critics, small scared selves and various monsters, goblins and gremlins. These things live inside of you and it’s not nearly as hard as you think to be the boss of them. To get them to settle down, play nice and even become your allies in bringing your dreams to life.

With that part done, dealing with the other stuff that’s in the way gets a lot easier. Locked doors swing open, secret shortcuts are revealed and your dreams are suddenly nowhere near as far away as they seemed.

I’ve got a kit that helps you harness the infinite power of your creativity and imagination to transform your inner critics, goblins and gremlins into powerful inner allies and in honour of 14 Days of Self-Love – I am giving one away! Right here, right now.

Leave a comment below saying what you could do, if you had Wise Inner Allies instead of annoying Inner Critics.

On Monday Viv and I will select a winner and you’ll get a free Transform Your Inner Critic Kit.

xo Andrea

Dream Incubator & Creativity Muse Andrea Schroeder has mastered the art of wish-fulfillment — and she’s doling out magic lessons (and dream journal guides, and supercharged meditations, and inspiring courses and DIY kits) at her virtual retreat center: the Creative Magic Academy.

Welcome to the 14 Days of Self-Love Project!

Throughout the next two weeks, you’ll find a daily post here from some fabulous folks, sharing some thoughts and images on self-love, self-care, finding peace with our bodies, self-portraiture, and radical self acceptance.

If you’d like to be sure to catch each days post, there are a few ways you can do that.  I’ll be adding a link each day via my facebook page.  I’ll also be sharing the links to the post on Twitter so if you are following me, you’ll get notifications there.  I will be using the hashtag #14daysofselflove so you can search that to find all the posts related to the project!

One other way to check out the 14 Days, is to come back to this post.  As each post goes up, I’ll be adding it to the list below.

We’re going to get started today with a fabulous post from holistic health coach Valerie Tookes.

During the coming days you’ll be hearing from writer and photographer Darlene Kruetzer, photographer and author Susannah Conway, photographer and artist Susan Tuttle, the ever inspiring and creative Andrea Scroeder, the oh so fabulous Deb Taylor, the Polaroid Goddess Kristin Perman, the magical photographer Madelyn Mulvaney, the ‘Live it to the Full’ rockstar Amy Blum, the oh so inspiring writer Amy Palko, the jewelry maker and super lovely Stacy De La Rosa, the author, photographer and retreat leader Liz Lamoreux and you’ll also hear from me!

I hope you enjoy the 14 Days and if you share self-love inspiration on your website or blog as we’re heading towards Valentines day, leave a link in the comments so we can spread the love!

xo

vivienne

Day 1: Valerie Tookes shares a 21 Day Self-Love Cleanse with us!

Day 2: Andrea Schroeder shares ideas on Radical Self-Love and there is a giveaway in today’s post!

Day 3: Susannah Conway shares thoughts on how to fall in love with yourself!

Day 4: Darlene Kreutzer shares a super inspiring photo essay about ways she takes time for herself!

Day 5: Deb Taylor shares a gorgeous poem and image about having a love affair with yourself!

Day 6: Kristen Perman shares a photo and story about how sitting by the sea is a big part of her self-care.

Day 7: Susan Tuttle shares some wonderful strategies for integrating self-care into your daily life.

Day 8: Amy Blum shares her thoughts on the self-love of saying NO!

Day 9: Stacy de la Rosa shares a powerful story of having a ceremony of commitment to her self.

Day 10: Liz Lamoreux shares a story about seeing herself in a new way.

Day 11: I share a bit about the idea of coming home to ourselves.

Day 12: Amy Palko shares how powerful it can be to see ourselves through someone elses eyes and lens.

Day 13: Jennifer Belthoff shares a gorgeous self-love poem with us.

Day 14: Madelyn Mulvaney shares a story of self-love withus.