6 Ways to Notice Your Body Stories

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What are the stories we believe about our bodies?

What if they weren’t true…especially those ones your inner critic has invited you to believe?

What if you offered yourself space to step back and acknowledge what you have taken to be true stories about your body (perhaps even with photos seen as proof of those old stories). What if the camera could also be a tool for re-writing those stories?

That’s what we’re doing this coming month in the Body Stories Class and leading up to getting started I’ve been asking the folks already registered to start noticing what they are (and when you sign up I’ll send you over that invite too).

But today I thought I’d share some of the ways that our bodies stories often come up and how we can notice them.

 

When we say ‘TOO’ about ourselves

The word ‘Too’ is a major red flag that you’re speaking a body story in your head or aloud.

Too big, too small, too curvy, too outside the norm, too visible, too invisible, too different, too tall, too petite, too….anything.

When we use the word TOO it means that we’ve created a norm that is enough or worthy and that we see ourselves as outside of that. But we are not. We have the freedom to shift what we perceive as the norm and include ourselves in it!

 

When we have a story that goes “I can’t _________ because _________”

I’ve had SO many of these. The stories of things you want to do, wear, be, and the reason you can’t which is usually something about our bodies. That there are certain things that someone of our shape and size should or shouldn’t be doing or wearing or feeling empowered by.

For me, one of those was wearing running tights. I had banned myself from wearing running tights, especially the ones where I might be able to see my upper thighs. But then slowly but surely, I eased towards them and one day it happened. I shared about that body story here and how I realized that day that I could rock running leggings and it wasn’t because my body had shrunk, but in fact because my shame around my body had!

 

The things people said once that we hold to be true

This is a big one. What are those stories that perhaps someone once said, that we hold as truth? I think we all have these and I know many are from my formative years when I was in the midst of developing my sense of self and these words got written into the dialogue of my worthiness.

One of the ways that has helped me let go of some of these, which is to put it into context and remember that it was actually a reflection of the body stories of the person who said it. And I chose to let it be mine too, but I don’t have to. It’s not the truth, it’s someone else’s interpretation of my body and it’s worthiness. It’s a simple thing…it has taken a lot of practice to remember to do in the moment I’m living that body story.

 

When we reject compliments

A powerful place to notice our body stories and catch ourselves in ones that no longer serve us is to notice when we reject or invalidate or defer a compliment. Compliments are someone offering us kindness and sharing the beauty or gratitude they have for us. We can chose to reject it or let it in. And yes, letting it in is vulnerable. And it takes practice. Let’s not shame ourselves for rejecting compliments though, but instead notice when we do. What are the new stories people might be offering you that you could let in.

I shared in this blog post how a comment from my boxing coach woke me up to a body story I had about my legs and how it helped shift a story I’d been holding onto for a LONG time about my body and it’s worthiness.

 

When we compare ourselves to someone else 

When it really comes down to it, we are in a body story when we separate ourselves from the fact that our bodies (yup, everyones body) is inherently worthy. No one is exempt from that, even if we have tried to convince ourselves that ours is not.

When we compare ourselves to others we have created that standard of what is worthy and are not including ourselves in it. In all of the new Be Your own Beloved programs this year including Body Stories we are working on shifting our perception of ‘the norm’ or that standard we have been comparing ourselves too and inviting ourselves to be included in what we see as worthy, as enough, as lovable…yes, even beautiful!

 

Anything our Inner Critic Says!

Our inner critic is an awesome storyteller isn’t it. It has a way of reminding us of all these things above, of bringing back these stories again and again. And of course, our inner critic is trying to protect us and keep us safe from change. It wants us to stay in our old stories. But it doesn’t have our best interests at heart. We do.

Noticing what is coming from our inner critic is most definitely a way to acknowledge a body story. In all of the Be Your Own Beloved classes our goal is to strengthen our own voice outside of our inner critic and redefine how WE see ourselves.

So if you’re inner critic says it, it’s a body story (and not the truth)!

 

And yes, we all have body stories. But the more we can wake up to them and acknowledge them, the more we can shift away from them. So how do we change them?

One of the most powerful ways that has helped me is yes, the camera! It is BECAUSE the camera and yes, selfies brings up our body stories that it can be a place where we change those stories. That’s what we’re doing in the Body Stories Class…we’re noticing and starting the process of letting go of our old stories, opening the door for new ones to emerge.

This is an invitation to listen deeply to the voice inside us that might be whispering alongside a loud inner critic, but it’s there…that voice saying “I don’t believe that story I’ve held about my body and I’m ready for a new one.”

Join me in reclaiming your voice of compassion back from your inner critic and from the ways you’ve been defining your worthiness though stories that you have about your body!

The Body Stories class starts March 1st (only a few days away) and once you register I’ll get you set up with some pre-class questions to ponder!

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Our Body Stories

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One of the biggest realizations I’ve found through taking self-portraits is being able to begin to notice what the stories I have about my body are.

Because before, I just took them to be truths. That my body was ‘too big’ or my hair was too thin or my belly was too bloated. Really, anything that includes the words TOO and compares ourselves to others is a big sign that it is a story.

Because all bodies are good bodies. All bodies are inherently worthy.

The way we define ourselves in comparison to others or to a societal standard…those are the stories we hold about our body, our enoughness.

Realizing that these things I held as truths were actually stories was a wake up call. Because if it wasn’t a truth, if it was an interpretation of what is enough that I’d made to feel as though it was the truth…it could change. 

And the camera? Well, it brings up those stories. It is vulnerable to let ourselves be in images. We may be able to walk the world without those stories arising but then it feels like they await us in an image. It can even feel as though images are ‘proof’ of those stories. But it is BECAUSE they arise there that it’s also a platform for re-writing them.

In all the Be Your Own Beloved classes we step into being the narrator of our own story. We listen for our own voice outside of our inner critics voice.

This March, I’m offering a powerful 15 day program inviting you to acknowledge and reclaim your body stories. In this class we will:

  • Re-Connect with our body and it’s wisdom through the act of taking our selfies and integrating body awareness and mindfulness into the moment we take our selfies inviting in connection rather than disconnection
  • Begin to notice and acknowledge what the stories we have about our body are
  • Explore the way we can change our body stories and begin to let go of the critical stories that no longer serve us
  • Listen and strengthen our own voice of how we see ourselves, outside of our critics voice. We’ll notice the spaces that our inner critic is loud and make room for compassion there.
  • Invite in non-judgement and neutrality around our body.

Plus, when you register, I’ll send you over a worksheet to get started on pondering your body stories even before class begins!

This is an invitation to listen deeply to the voice inside us that might be whispering alongside a loud inner critic, but it’s there…that voice saying “I don’t believe that story I’ve held about my body anymore…and it’s time for a new one”.

This program isn’t about seeing our bodies completely anew in 15 days, but is about having a whole new way of seeing ourselves in only 15 days, but what we will do is wake ourselves up to the stories we’ve been judging ourselves by for a very long time and open ourselves up to the idea that they aren’t the truth.

They are indeed stories.

They are permeable, changeable.

They can be re-written, when we become the narrator.

bodystories250Let’s be the narrator of our own stories, and choose stories that treat us the same way we’d treat a beloved! 

Join me for Body Stories! Class starts March 1st (only 1 more week).

The Next Chapter of Be Your Own Beloved

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Over the past year, things have been shifting around the Be Your Own Beloved world.

Now, don’t worry…by no means am I changing my focus here. Quite the opposite in fact.

It’s been deepening.

I’ve been asking myself and exploring the answers, of what happens next.

What happens after we begin our selfie journey and show up for a while in front of the camera?

What happens after we find our voice that balances out our inner critics voice?

What happens when we find confidence in ourselves through the camera? How do translate it to our lives as a whole?

How do we really shift out of a place of self-critique and create a new normal of compassion for ourselves?

I’ve been pouring the realizations and even more questions into the manuscripts (yup, there are now 2 of them) that I’ve been working on these last few years.

And, as of this year, I’ve been pouring those answers into I’m uncovering into new photo prompts and new programs. We got started this January with the year long Body Peace Program and I don’t even know if I can find the words yet to share what happened in January, how I let this work deepen and definitely challenged the participants to show up even more in the process of offering themselves compassion and OMG did they ever. I was brought to tears numerous times by the realizations and self-compassion I saw.

There is one more new offering coming this year, the Lens of Love Program which is where we really dig into this new work. It’s feeling so much like the Masterclass of Be Your Own Beloved, the place where we really can help ourselves transition from a life of self-critique to creating a new normal for ourselves that is rooted in compassion.

I know, using selfies. That’s what makes me smile…cause selfies are seen as something that is ‘shallow’ or ‘self-centred’ and I’m in awe of how much it is the opposite, how much they can be a tool for self-connection and self-compassion.

I’m going to be sharing a lot more about Lens of Love coming up soon, but if you’d like to be the first to get a chance to apply for it, come on over and join the interest list!

Rewriting Narcissus

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If I touch that place where our hands meet

If I look you’re there looking back at me, with eyes of kindness.

Are we literally and visually falling down the rabbit hole of that much feared word ‘narcissistic’ and the myth of Narcissus?

No.

We’ve been told not to fall in love with our own reflection in both subtle and bold ways so often that we look away. Look as far away as we can.

We throw stones at the water to shake up and distort our reflection.

We hide from the waters edge, from the cameras lens out of fear of being called that 12 letter word.

Out of fear of being called self-centred.

Yet it has left us so far from our own centre and we look into the water and all we see is a stranger.

I was so tired of looking at the woman looking back at me with hate.

Tired of making her the enemy.

Tired of mocking her or never letting her be enough.

Tired of fearing that if I looked at her for too long I’d become fixated like Narcissus.

But that is a myth. It always was.

What isn’t a myth is that there is someone looking back at us in the mirror, in the camera, in the water…asking to be seen.

So I’ve been sitting at the waters edge visiting her, the one awaiting me in the reflection, in the camera.

Seeing her with love, despite the fear of what others might call building a relationship with our own self-image. Because I know it’s not narcissistic and how much that word has gotten in the way of connecting with ourselves.

I know it’s about reaching into the water and touching her hand, befriending her.

It’s about looking into the lens and not looking away in shame, not needing to be different but for this to be enough.

It’s about showing up for myself, for ourselves.

And the knowing that if someone else thinks it is narcissistic, then I’ll send them love into that space between themselves and their reflection in the water, in the lens and hope they turn towards themselves with compassion someday too.

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After seeing this photo the other day after taking the above one the same day, this post spilled out. I hadn’t realized until this point that this photo series I’d been doing with my reflection was woven with this reclamation of my own reflection, back from the hands of this story and into my own.

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If you’re wanting to make peace with your reflection, with your self-image especially through the camera lens, come join me for the Be Your Own Beloved class…we start February 1st!

A Look Back at 2015 in Self-Portraits

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Every year for the past few years I’ve done one of these end of the year posts, a round up of my favourite self-portraits from the past year.

It can be mighty powerful to gather our favourite images from the past year together, to see the story of these individual images and the visual narrative they capture for us collectively.

You can check out the 2014, 2013 and 2012 posts here:

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One thing I noticed happening this year was an epic return to using my DSLR. It wasn’t something I had as an expectation of myself, but happened largely because it felt joyful and extra magical to use my DSLR again. I think a lot of that magic was sparked since my friend Sylvia showing me this app and using my iPhone as a remote and to frame photos. Being able to frame my photo that way felt like it opened the door even wider to getting creative with self-portraits!

These posts are also so important to me, to bring together the visual story of the year. As always, there are stories underneath what you as the viewer will see in these.

Some of epic moments, like the story of standing on those cobblestones street in Riga, Latvia sorting through the emotion of coming home to a place I had never been but felt connected to my whole life. Or the stories that you’ll see in the October of my travels in Scotland and Ireland and how deeply nourishing that trip was. I travelled abroad more this year than I have ever in my life (I’d only ever been out of North America once before this year, to Ireland). Or that day there was suddenly a beautiful and fancy chair just sitting right in the middle of one of my favourite photo spots and it turned into an epic selfie photo shoot, the kind I’d hope to offer to a photo client and that I had to push myself to offer to myself. Or that moment drinking a glass of Rose on the Oregon Coast with truly lovely friends staring out in the Ocean looking for whales.

Others, of simple moments like that moment before the sun set in the pinkish photo taken near my parents place. Or the regular photo walks around my neighbourhood standing in those beautiful pink petals or that last ray of light of the day. Or that day when my inner protector let her voice be heard.

An unexpected muse of this year turned out to be this small koi point in the community garden. I’d put my camera on the ledge on one side (carefully of course) and stand on the other side often with the photo focused on the lotuses that grew there. It wasn’t my intention, but the imagery of the lotus representing self-compassion feels so woven into these photos and into this year, moving to a place this year in my own body love and self-compassion journey where I was able to settle into a place where all the work I’ve been doing these years to let go of the old stories of self-critique feels more embodied, more a part of my new normal and opened up to a more peaceful place with myself this year.

If you have a draw to try this kind of post on your blog…I highly recommend it! It takes a bit of time to gather them (I organize my photos by month throughout the year which helps) but seeing them altogether is a really powerful year end reflection exercise. This year I’m thinking of gifting myself with printing each of these years out in a soft cover book like this one and be able to look back on these years and the stories they hold for me.

So here they are, my favourite photos of this year.

January:

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February:

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March:

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April:

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May:
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June:

june1june2june3june5june6

July:

july1july2july3july4july5july6july7july8july9july10

August:

august1august2august3august4august5

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September:

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October:

october11october10october8october2october7october6october5october4october3october1october9

November:

november1november2november3november4november5


December:

december1december8december4december5december7

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