The Selfie that Changed Me

This was one of the photos I took in my own selfie practice that broke open a new level of healing for me. It broke the rules of what is ‘flattering’ and challenged that in me. It broke rules of how much of these rolls on my body ‘should be seen’ and how it should be seen. It was me taking a photo of my hand reaching into the frame, like I often take photos but this time I didn’t make the rest of my body invisible.

This is an example of how when we expand how we’re willing to SEE our body, we expand how far we’re willing to extend our compassion. SEEING my body in this way allowed me to neutralize my reaction to it.

It challenged me at first, yes. But the more I saw it, the less it brought up a reaction for me at all (well, that process of seeing a photo regularly that challenges us…combined with work around dealing with my own internalized fatphobia that comes with that reaction that would think a fat roll would negate my value or worthiness).

I see such beauty in this photo too. Especially now that there is no charge to it for me. The way the rolls flow in light and shadow, the way the lines of the dress add to the flow (a horizontal striped dress of course…something fat bodies are told not to wear, one of the rules I’ve long since ditched about what I should wear). I see these rolls as an old friend I’ve learned to love. I see them in this photo now that I’ve been working with it and it gives me comfort rather than a place of critique.

And the truth is I don’t know what you see in it. I can’t control how other people see my body and I no longer prioritize that. Because this body is mine, where I live and one I’ve learned to love and if anyone else has a problem with it, that’s their body stories coming up. Not mine.

We are in charge of how we see our own body and we have to reclaim that vision and that voice back for ourselves.